Maybe it was having a cold (for weeks), maybe it was the girls both being sick, maybe it was my husband being gone for the week, maybe it was the lunar eclipse (yeah, I know, but come on! if the moon can effect the big, old ocean as strongly as it does, why could it not effect little mostly-water me?) or maybe it was all of the above, but I just wasn’t my usual positive me this past week. I felt has if I could see the beauty but I couldn’t feel it or care about it. Let me tell you, I didn’t like it.
I’m glad that feeling- or lack of feeling- is gone.
As I was jogging this morning (yippee! after no exercise for at least two weeks), I was listening to a Bat for Lashes song called “Sarah”.This song sometimes just grabs me by the throat- or maybe it’s my heart. “Sarah- sometimes I want to be like you-Sarah-you know sometimes I want to live like you-Sarah-so I know how it feels not to feel”. Crap, I sound like a fifteen year old here. Of course, I don’t want to be unfeeling, but I often do wish I was rather more thick skinned. At times, I feel like transparent little fish being pushed this way and that by the random currents that come my way. I want to be a tree. I want my roots deep and firmly planted. I want to feel, but not be ruled by my feelings. I don’t want to have other’s emotions pushed upon me.
So, how to feel, to love, to eat life up with a spoon and yet to be strong and sure?
Well, enough of that. Back to crafts and gardens and things that go squeak in the night.
P.S. Look! Bat for Lashes playing a gig in a library! Now I love them even more. Love the headbands, but I think you have to be under 25 to pull that look off….